Monday, January 9, 2012
Scared and confused.
I finally found the man of my dreams. He is perfect. But I dont think I am what he wants. He used to go out and party and do things with his friends. He had his truck, the mud runs, going four wheeling and sledding. Now he says he doesnt want to but I know its bullshit. I used to love going out dancing, hanging out with friends and shopping. Now I just stay here. All the time. We dont do anything and I dont know that he even wants to. Its so hard to tell how he feels or what he wants cuz he doesnt talk to me at all. He opened up to me ONCE. Thats it. In seven months. Its a shitty feeling. I want to pour my heart out to him and tell him everything. I have been thru so much and just want to share it all. Maybe he just doesnt care. That seems to be his thing lately. He says he doesnt care about pretty much everything I say. And even better, he says all the time he would marry me today then he says yesterday that we barely know each other. WTF is that all about. I guess him and I are not on the same page.
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Guys are taught from an early age that to show emotion is to show weakness. They are also taught how to treat women by their fathers, which always makes them at least one generation behind in the evolution of women.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm saying is that sometimes we need a little help when it comes time to adjust from the "honeymoon", or "courting", to the more settled, long term relationship setting.
If this guy is your dream guy, then fight for him. Don't fight WITH him, don't complain to him. Most guys react to a direct approach with a fight or flight response. The girl complains, and we either defend ourselves or leave.
I recommend approaching things a little differently. You say he used to do things with his friends? I'm assuming that you know some of the girlfriends of these guys.
Talk to the girlfriends, get them to take him out. He doesn't need to know that you set it up.
The issue is that he has let the ideal image of s devoted husband/boyfriend, instilled in him by his father, override the person he is.
You can tell him that the fun loving man that enjoyed four wheeling, having guys nights with his friends, etc. is the guy that you fell in love with. I've done this in the past myself, which is why I feel compelled to pass on this insider information. You seem like a sweet girl (Honestly have no idea who you really are ;-p), but if I can help, I need to try.
So let me lay it out on the line for you, just so you know what you are up against.
If he doesn't start blowing off steam soon, he will start resenting you for it, even though he is doing it to himself. He won't come out and say it, and in fact won't even realize that he IS doing it.
So find a way to make sure he knows that it's okay to still be himself, even though he is with you. I don't know why us guys do this, we forget that you fell in love with us when we still had a life.
Married people still need to have their own lives, need to be able to spend some time apart, or else they will end up at each others throats eventually.